biowarfare tests--trigger & memories tonight. ..
I had a dream memory from when I studied with Dr. Andor Kiszely where I was in a reinforced room, and Dr. Kiszely said he would have gone in the room with me. It was kindof like a room you'd see in an aircraft hangar. But it was to gas people (different than Nazi concentration camp gas ), and I was just a little kid. It was reinforced, with a circular window door with thick glass set inside the circle. Kindof like a huge washing machine door put on a large stainless safe. It could fit more than the 10-12 people I saw in my dream of this place. And, it wasn't like the dingy concentration camps.
I think when i'm reading this.
Maybe it's like the stories my mom told me about the Americans being in Japan and
how Japanese wore gloves to handle paper money. She told stories to me that the Americans used biological warfare on them after the war. The war never ended with A-bombs. The war continued and so she started explaining biological warfare to me. All of the stories she told me were before she went away for a while, to the hospital. It seemed like 3-4 years until she returned. My dad even told me she was dead one day. I remember the place. I remember the hate he got in my face and then he closed the door in my face. I was left alone with that thought, never really cried because I wasn't allowed to cry. Then one day she came back. That night, was the 1st hateful rage she just lost it on me. She didn't know until 2005 that he told me she died. I just put her out of my mind and thought she was in a good place. That night, yeah, i told her she's not my mom. And, I got rage back. They made me sleep in the hallway instead of my bed. Then she lost it and I was not even in the Hallway to sleep anymore. My brother in his room got used to this.
---- 1974-1982ish I was three in 78 and my brother was a baby.
Yeah that and going to Chesapeake Bay with neighbors and/or the program and we played a stupid game where he'd lock me out of my room. There was a joke at the table that we could pick locks with those drink swords off our shirley temple drink's marschiano cherries. So, it became a game to pick the lock with the plastic drink swords we'd save before mom would come screaming at me because he locked me out of my room back at home in Pennsylvania. Then he just got mean at some point. The drink swords vanished and I'd scream at him to shut up. I'd get whipped with the leather belt if I talked to anyone like that in the house. So, I got busted more than a few times. Eventually we played this so much a drink sword broke off in the pin hole. My mom got mad she had to pick the lock cause we messed it up and he couldn't get out of his room.
It eventually turned into me getting yanked out of bed by a limb or my hair and dragged down 2 flights of uncarpeted stairs in the split level before getting thrown outside in my PJ's. Eventually they got brave and just threw me outside this way in the winter. After the @playhouse was up without a roof. I'd be outside in my Pj's about 1/4 from the house looking at the moon. And, I wouldn't go back to the house when they'd call me. I just would stay away until my nerves said it was safe enough.
I had a dream memory from when I studied with Dr. Andor Kiszely where I was in a reinforced room, and Dr. Kiszely said he would have gone in the room with me. It was kindof like a room you'd see in an aircraft hangar. But it was to gas people (different than Nazi concentration camp gas ), and I was just a little kid. It was reinforced, with a circular window door with thick glass set inside the circle. Kindof like a huge washing machine door put on a large stainless safe. It could fit more than the 10-12 people I saw in my dream of this place. And, it wasn't like the dingy concentration camps.
I think when i'm reading this.
Maybe it's like the stories my mom told me about the Americans being in Japan and
how Japanese wore gloves to handle paper money. She told stories to me that the Americans used biological warfare on them after the war. The war never ended with A-bombs. The war continued and so she started explaining biological warfare to me. All of the stories she told me were before she went away for a while, to the hospital. It seemed like 3-4 years until she returned. My dad even told me she was dead one day. I remember the place. I remember the hate he got in my face and then he closed the door in my face. I was left alone with that thought, never really cried because I wasn't allowed to cry. Then one day she came back. That night, was the 1st hateful rage she just lost it on me. She didn't know until 2005 that he told me she died. I just put her out of my mind and thought she was in a good place. That night, yeah, i told her she's not my mom. And, I got rage back. They made me sleep in the hallway instead of my bed. Then she lost it and I was not even in the Hallway to sleep anymore. My brother in his room got used to this.
---- 1974-1982ish I was three in 78 and my brother was a baby.
Yeah that and going to Chesapeake Bay with neighbors and/or the program and we played a stupid game where he'd lock me out of my room. There was a joke at the table that we could pick locks with those drink swords off our shirley temple drink's marschiano cherries. So, it became a game to pick the lock with the plastic drink swords we'd save before mom would come screaming at me because he locked me out of my room back at home in Pennsylvania. Then he just got mean at some point. The drink swords vanished and I'd scream at him to shut up. I'd get whipped with the leather belt if I talked to anyone like that in the house. So, I got busted more than a few times. Eventually we played this so much a drink sword broke off in the pin hole. My mom got mad she had to pick the lock cause we messed it up and he couldn't get out of his room.
It eventually turned into me getting yanked out of bed by a limb or my hair and dragged down 2 flights of uncarpeted stairs in the split level before getting thrown outside in my PJ's. Eventually they got brave and just threw me outside this way in the winter. After the @playhouse was up without a roof. I'd be outside in my Pj's about 1/4 from the house looking at the moon. And, I wouldn't go back to the house when they'd call me. I just would stay away until my nerves said it was safe enough.
