Wednesday, December 25, 2019

i am a child survivor of parental alcoholism

Today is Christmas day. It has been about a decade since I spent significant time near my elderly parents. My mother seems quite happy to see me. 
My father is not and locked me out of the house until I called my mother to allow me inside. I actually didn't want to deal with his tyrade and slept in my SUV Christmas Eve Eve in 31° weather. The sad part is that I gave up most of everything I owned in Hawaii to help them since they are both disabled, and I am the last living child. Ironically, I'm alive because I stay away from them and their toxic friends who convinced them that friendship is more important than family. 
My mother, being an immigrant from Japan, now realizes this mistake in her 80's. This place is a  rural suburb compared to most larger towns and small cities. So, diversity in community is a new interaction for the 50 shades of white community members who only speak about their ties to European motherlands. It's an odd type of colonial obserd to me. However they call it American tradition. 
Under my breath it's like watching an Mi5, Mi6, KGB, IRA, Stasi, and Italian maffia psyop roll out in front of me as the most utterly un-American behaviors ever witnessed publically. 

In high school, I was pulled from classes to attended alateen meetings for social intervention that gave me skills to navigate the scapegoating abuse my parents put on me. It is nearly 25years later and on Christmas day the alcoholic, now on chemotherapy medications, is talking about how the entire house has fallen apart because I took a shower. Last night, while I was cleaning the kitchen and powder room he yelled at me angrily and attempted to hit me with the plastic waste can while my back was turned.
Mind that I have been largely gone from their physical presence living a relatively happier (though not lucrative) lifestyle in Hawaii. 
In hindsight, the lessons I learned from Alateen were critical to my being able to control the parts of my life, and my dreams, that I wished for and also worked hard for. However the reality of the term "parents" and the power society gives to these people is demeaning and destructive in my life since these two people conspired to destroy my hard work for decades.
That is reality. Despite my compassionate heart for their health situation now that they are 70. When I returned from Hawaii last fall 2018, I spent weeks cleaning, scrubbing, doing yard work, and picking through a nightmare that is on the verge of Turing into a condemned building if their negligence doesn't stop.
While my friends have been kind to put me up, I've had nightmares over my wasted time arguing with both parents over their accumulated mess. It's one of their power trips since they have reached their sunset years. And, they have never cared to socialize with friends who welcomed me openly and reciprocated gifts. Rather they have socialized with a majority of judgemental, racist, backstabbing and violent people who killed my sister and conspired to harm my brother repeatedly while he was alive till age 26. 
My adult life is now confronted with these egocentric biggots and their games to cause harm. 
There is nothing that they, my parents and the community have done individually or collectively to be peaceable without violence.
Ultimately, everyone knows I will have to walk away again. It doesn't matter because this part of the world has chosen to present itself to me in this way.
It's a bad place where they refused to allow me to purchase a vehicle at a normal car dealership. Where they also sent state perpetrators to destroy the used vehicle I purchased from my father. It has been a horrible time with less than amicable people amidst the curt pleasant tolerances.
Sad ultimately. 
If I am to judge the old ans new contents of this Bucks County, I call it pathetic.
Weak perverts who prayed on me as a Minority child and finacially damaged me deliberately into adulthood. While Noone has provided a buffer or stopped their collective Deepstate behaviors.
It needs to end. Their lunacy has affected foreign policy unchallenged.