IRA Memory on St Patrick's day

I just can't keep trusting anyone, where my y life is an affidavit full of hate crimes & CIA/IRA suspect & MK ops against me &/or my Japanese family. Even if Peter Arthurs  was being a nice dude stopping by my place one summer I was at Cornell brushing up on my Japanese. He sat in my living room and talked story about his life and Arthur C. Clarke He wrote a book on Brendan Behan.
Carl Sagan lived at  the top of the street and he lived halfway in between. Those were strange days.

Pintos

Cooking 1/2 of the dry .75lb of pintos soaked overnight.

With 1liter Water
1 blacktea bag for 3min.
1/8cup dried rosemary
1tsp salt

Cooking for 45min on low after bringing to a boil. Or Till soft

My Reflections of USA mainland

Hi all. I'm having a very difficult time.
I am asking  for prayers so that I can find a safety here in Pennsylvania & USA far from the friendly faces I miss in Hawaii Pacific region.

As you know, my brother was found shot dead on the property here. I have alot of trauma from people here. He was found with his head literally blown apart. I also had to watch his body burn at the crematorium my mom's request with her for what she calls custom.

Things are more difficult with my parents than when I grew up here.
I documented his fake friends who also were inappropriate backstabbing white supremacists.
This has cost our family alot, even if my parents are ok with it since they don't have to worry about him anymore.

I am a Japanese mixed race  human being who is his sister. I do not agree with the nonchalant attitudes of my parents and the communities & people who violently pushed him to his final resting place at age 27 & 2mos.

Additionally, my sister was killed in 1970, prior to my birth. I filed a basic police report regarding what my mother told me when I was still a toddler. The story of her death was my mother's lesson to me of how awful the people in this Pennsylvania community are.

In my late teens, I became an activist due to the continued hate crimes  & racial discrimination against my life throughout k-12 in the Bucks County & at college in upstate NY & surrounding communities. It included my teachers, pastor(s), schoolmates, and people who should have been there to protect me.

It was an international incident.
Regardless of any USA law enforcement covering it up as a simple suicide.

Today I am in my 40's and I was asked to try to fill a role that needed both of us to participate In starting a legal export-import related & USA based, international family related business. Obviously things have taken a turn for the worse with the entire USA on the international stage.
These plans did not include either of my parents. This was to give us & our future kids a way to survive better than how racism dictated by mainstream USA. Instead, I am left without anyone or anyone understanding what they did and how damaging they were.

Due to several factors we were supposed to be protected without special favors from USA. However that turned into my being trafficked & used for clandestine ops against Japan by several people who are very powerful or wealthy in USA related to infrastructure & export-import or security. My own father potentially being the biggest backstabber in my life by manipulating us directly as children through what is known as MKUltra or MKstargate.

I have taken the past 2-3 years to sort through the abuse & damages to my life in total from all of this.
The odds may be stacked against me, however I pray to God that sharing my story helps to save other's lives.

I hope to have an international affidavit completed in the next month or so.

It has been at extreme expense to my personal professional & financial life to do this. If you can help support me through this, please do.
I am also seeking work that still enables me to complete this massive project.

Thanks & Arigato.
Namaste, Mahalos, obligado

Bucks county guided meditation

I'm Starting early on the outdoors meditation ;- happy to also join you and guide you & your group to natural sites in and around the area. for a daily fee.

Meditation tomorrow at Ringing Rocks.
weather depending Bring a yoga mat & hammer in this floody & muddy weather.
Hammer to play the rocks.
http://www.buckscounty.org/government/ParksandRecreation/Parks/RingingRocks

Million Dollar Bill

My Story not for affidavit.

My father was held responsible for the party favor Million Dollar Bill with the Statue of liberty being printed.
At that time, our whole family came under scrutiny & surveillance as it created an international incident in the Middle East.
I was not aware until after everything occurred.
However, I suspect it was the catalyst for the NY Underground related handler who came into my life in 1996.
Some thought I would have married otherwise, however he was opped with a Russian woman at Cornell University while I was away for most of the year 1996. 1996 a Crux in my life

Spider season. & Old farmhouse

Anyone know when spiders hatch?
Had several of these guys when I got here. This one died by my  frankincense resin (which is higher vibrational frequency) in coconut oil (barely a spoonful i had in a bowl) a low toxin

Programmable Life forms?
I gave light to one with intention & they went up to location atop a dresser with Bruno picture where i gave them a little water. Spider didn't run away and allowed me to serve a small bit of water. So it seems if I direct light with intention they obey a little. 

Non-toxic yet Dusty remedy to hard shelled insects & arachnid;

In Hawaii I scattered Diatemacious Earth & left the apartment for a month upon finding a pinky nail sized brown fiddle head spider. Baby brown recluses after heavy rain in my 2nd floor apartment.

Vengeful arachnids & others I'll willed  programmable intentions;-

I'm a bit worried. Tons of webs we're left in the basement when I arrived. These weren't the daddy longlegs I played with in childhood. The bigger adults wolf spiders stalked me out too after vacuuming. I feel their eyes on me aka their psychic frequency;- & find them easily. I learned to recognize their intent in Hawaii. Some of the spiders & large tropical predatory millipedes & centipedes also send Psychic energy of attack.

Older folks not in reality;

How to explain the health hazard to my parents? They have gotten into protecting animals (as a cover for abusing me in childhood). They also and been using tons of pesticides on their own sleeping areas & not cleaning the cat's water bowl of slime from being near a we'll used winter stove. The cat, a familiar walks around crying for water when the weather is ill. Both have hand issues from surgery or carpaltunnel or Lyme disease issues. I even vacuumed webs for hours...

I vacuumed out 1/8 of the basement where there was an entire colony of webs & eggs under the stairs. The 1 brown recluse worries me due to number of egg sacs. OMG. I'm going to be sleeping in my car soon just for them NoT walking on me.

So, how to tell them how dangerous this is now that it's spring? Or just still do I do Einstillen for it...yes.

Thoughts

I have the pain &  waste of my life on my mind. In the back of my head...
Somehow, supposed to give them hope.

Hope hasn't been there for me since I was a child. Recently I've been filling out a 90some odd page international affidavit to let whoever is looking for such information know that. That is, if they understand anything about my existence & how it affects/ affected politics globally.
I did have some say in my family as my extended family in Japan paid some attention up to recently.

I've been praying alot for life here in the USA to change for the better for me. My soul & finances pounded into the ground along with everyone else's frustration of seeing me in failure mode due to the sheer cost of attacks on me & what was my family that left my 2 siblings dead.
It's hard to prove its not a farce that my family just doesn't care, or they gave up long ago.

After all, my mother moved to the USA with a man, my father who reads my writing & has had his attorneys involved in civil conspiracy against us Japanese-Americans for as long as I can remember. It wasn't just MKULTRA my mother informed me of;- but that our presence here would have been a diplomatic peace mission if he had been an Ambassador class person.

March flow rhyming

Hull of my Heart
Is safe from Storm
Weathered n' worn
My firery tears fall heavy
Into Ground
Up a tree grows of 
Skeleton folk

Never never
Allowed to cry
Now now
I know why
Life of my tears
Is death of all fear
Ur jus like a devil
Telling us lies
Teaches us ways
Not good, I survive

I found a good tune
That helped me survive
Feeling alone,
after such a big loss
Walking alone,
sacrifice is a huge cost.
Walking alone
With an empty heart
And they think it's alive.
Lot of us live,
Feeling empty inside
Saying alot
it would be better to die
Walking alone
with an empty heart
My heart it aches
And it kinda wipe out
So much I did
I wasn't about
But I did what I did
All that I had
Met a few others
Kept me smiling around.

Walked down a highway
With a mystical man
Moves all the ocean
Waves & d sand
And I turned around
See two guys n they dreads
They sat smiling by
d'grocery store across from sea
Place in my heart
Special to me

Returned to my home
After so many years
Nothing is same
Big hole bringing on tears

Weight of my sorrow
Didn't dull a bit
Suprising me like
a big birthday cake

Weight of my sorrow
Weight of my tears
Haunting me for
So many years
There's a time to be
A time to thrive
Walking in past footsteps
It ain't really alive
Gotta find a groove
Make amends
Even after loosing my closest friend
Keep living for you
It ain't really my way
Memory treads on my heart everyday
--
Poverty is a disease of belief in virtures of leaders who keep us safe.

Fueling your hatred
Ain a good vibe
Do I fear (F-E-A-R) it out
Do I flip the page
Changing my vibe
Speak of different ways
I got my own way of thinking
How our world should be
I stand with others
In a real (MK online) city
Our game is real simple
Didn't you know
They making it tough
For everyone's soul
I show you my way
Struggle every day
Fighting like crazy
Between every post
Here's what I got
Here's what I did
You know I got skills
To get through these trials
Imagine doing this
As a mother & child

Garden of Eden thought

Did anyone ever wonder?
Did Adam or Eve?
How the sex would be(have been)
Without biting into the apple?

February 2019

Some words I wrote...been silent for a long time poetry & Earth.

Caress your neck & shoulders
Cool, air & free.
Rock me to my slumber
Surfin on the Sea
Starlight from heaven
Fills my heart with dreams
Moon glows a Halo (of ho-oly)
Sun bring a rainbow
Through dark clouds, it casts
All impassioned...
These experiences last

Watching moons & rainbows
On our balcony
Lifetimes in motion
Meetup hardly
New Year's mentions
Of us hardly

Didnt you know
when my tears are dark
A comet crashes into Sea
We all affect this planet
You're important to me
I jus wanted to say

A comet crashes into Sea
From the world above
A comet crashes into Sea
Didn't you know
You're important to me
When my tears fall heavy
A comet crashes into Sea
We all affect this planet
You're important to me.

Gotta teach young souls
What saves Earth is fun
All my dark tears,
Lost days and years
My heart,
figured I should start
Caring about this world
Burned like a comet

Didn't you know
when my tears are dark
A comet crashes into Sea
We all affect this planet
You're important to me
I jus wanted to say...
My heart burns like a comet
Watching moons & rainbows
On our balcony
Lifetimes in motion
Meetup hardly
-

Looking for a reason
To keep hanging on
Any little reason
To laugh and smile
Just that one thought
Got, got me through
A very tough time
Whenever I hurt
I think of you

Saw those bad times through
And I hope, some love was there.
I never knew.
Kept guessing
about you
If your intentions were
Good -- somehow you saw me through

I walked in your room
In A dream of mine
Just to check and see
If you were fine.
Wanted to say
I loved to live
Took a chance
That things, me and you
Would work out positive too.
-
Ty Spiiren my Day

I love you baby
When you do it right
Right vibe, right way
You know... right vibe
When I do it,
I do it right
When you do it, right
Yea eh eh eaah

When we stay
By beach or bay
Soothing sound
Make sky & waves
Sacred place - don't take it away
By ocean waves

Magic, freedom
Heart vibration, sails
Under sunlight
Till the sunset
Even moonlight
Make love
All all all night
I love you
Making it too
Right vibrations
Hold my hand
Walkin the beach
Watching waves
Pounding reef
Breathin, breathe in.

Wake in the dawn
And do it all
Just one mo-o-ore

Magic, freedom
Under sun light
Till the sunset
Even moonlight
Make love
all all all night
I live you
Making it too
Right vibe

Hold my hand
Walkin the beach
Watching waves
Pounding reef
Breathin, breathe in.

-
Didn't I trust you with anything
My heart, I counted
Didn't know I needed to explain.
Taken for granted
Not a fair trade
Everyday livin
why you got to add strain?
Simple is life,
in a certain way
Wakeup, coffee, smoothies
Smiling every day
[Yeah I got my work
Bills expect to pay]

When we are together
I found a certain groove
Breathin together
Makin my mantra, Everyday with you.
--

In a land far away
My friends in ohanalei
So good so free
So many same as me
Growing up so far away
Didn't know life could be that way
Lost my brother in a violent way
We could always relate
Lie the same way
Same goal
No matter how far away
Even if a year passed
Know our way
Till life's end,
make it last

Wish I could stay
Without hate
So much hate
Nothing feeds my soul
So much bird song
Lightens heavy mood
Sun it shines
Palms they sway
Turtles they see
Me...on beach I pray
Take yoga class
Sunrises, I
Dinner is served
I prep a little more
Go out to work
Till near next days dawn
Socialize and revolutionize
My thought my word
--
Heilstrom came into my life
My insides, soul, all torn apart
Everyday a little part, heals a little bit
Heilstrom stitch and light, it grows
Mends a piece ravaged by dark evil ways that my heart does not want to stay.
Fixing my heart like God only knows
Heilstrom is a stitch of light from God. The thread, the chord eminates his Love. Golden glow fixes my eternal grid.

--
It changes course

Souls are born
Know who they want to be
Devil's actions
Change your course
Trust me
Planet made divine
With Sin's finery
Mark of error
Changes our course
Not that we perish
Immediately
Changes course from
divine
robs mind.
Changes course.

For matter, for care
Divine path
Trust God is there.

My heart, its empty

||:  I need love for all the time Earth turns...& Then some  :||

On a happier note

In winters weather mix,
Birds come to eat seeds tossed on the ground. Usually they fly away when the see me approach. However, since I shovelled a couple days ago & tossed some 5am seed for them;- I added some Unhulled hemp seeds.
So today, the bigger of song birds landed by our patio door. Birds looked at me and then looked over remaining birdseed like (what is this ?) Then looked back at me.
It was an oh man, I didn't feed u.
So I got my bag of seeds and tossed a few handfuls out for them. They returned to eat the seeds. And, only a few hemp seeds were left when I returned to check.

Birdseed makers need to add hemp seeds to every mix. Birds all over the world seem to pick hempseeds as favorites.

Prespective: Diversity, Dating, Dailylife.

Diversity USA

Born As a 1st generation Japanese-American & dual national, I have been forced into USA's diversity debate.

It seems my Caucasian east coast counterparts  still hypothesising about diversity. They are still in a sea of Homogenized eurocentric family traditionalists.  Their dating habits are also largely Caucasian. They don't interact with women like me in an equal manner or consider the constraints of their biased gender & employment systems.
It's virtually inescapable, and is an "investment" decision and risk assessment to even venture on the highly unusual first date. Rather, they opt for insulated sexual harassment, abduction, and sexual assault as their primary interactions for "diversity". While mildly sitting back and interloping with collegues of minority desparity, and statistical comparisons of race based plights.

My return from diversely integrated Hawaii has shockingly contrasted this common Eastern Seaboard experience. There are virtually zero Japanese men for me to date here. They are scooped up quickly by others who target them for income viability. A prime social slave.
It's USA's pecking order of slaveship, nothing my Japanese family has ever had to endure. They know little of racism. Even my cousins who attended University in Philadelphia were quick to adopt Jibe to fit in.

I've grown weary of the Caucasian dating scene due to their sex trafficking pimp attitudes towards dating me as a rare American-Asian privvy to their racist tonalities.
The same tonalities they scorn me for spotlighting as a USA standard over 3000miles away from the crossroads of flourishing Asian-American culture.

It's lonely here. Quite possibly worse than being a severely disabled child all through life. Friendships are scare due to encroaching 'let me get at you to prove myself to the others' Caucasoid conquerer mentality.

I'm so exhausted and disheartened from this, it makes me miss being poor in other more friendly places.
However, I'm financially trapped again. 5months of violent & angry threats in the Quakertown Community. It's not the uninterested or positive people I have to worry about. I have to worry about the few haters who are active about causing harm. They have engulfed and sunk my hopes of a pleasant life on the Eastern Seaboard.

Prayers to me, I still hope for a nice life.

Black

Black lace lies like wings of flies.
Death rides my soul with reapers' grim eyes.

Today a thought- all draft as usual

Because I wanted to help, I bought a little trinket, maybe a stone or a rock, basket or indigenous frock. Then that person got more ambitious and used the money to get hardware to kill a whale or the last of some last extinct species, or one noone in globalist english had discovered. That person got into a fight on a boat, killed someone with a knife bought. A chain reaction of death took part. Eminated from the distant land & echoed out, into some ungodly War.

Then I thought again. I went without. Found the significance was something I could live without.
That species survived and balanced others who needed, good vibe. And things were pleasant. Everyone in a good way, at home not envying others who get paid.
Life moves us

Hearing issue, Hyperacusis

Do not play loud! HF warning!!! HF range vanishes/ out of range while holding key before the other tones!!!
It is a sound wave that descends, maintains drone with subtle ascending variable, carries ascending HF simultaneously. It sounds like an airplane engine (plane crashing slowly) with a monk's voice changing pitch. 3 frequencies on 1 sound, key depressed more than a few seconds till HF range vanishes & my ear hurt.

Dangerous sound, my superhearing hack (superhearing a disability under Hyperacusis) I created in soundlab in 1999 at Music College.
Uncertain if complete & I may have on reel to reel still.

HF warning!!! Can be painful or damaging to hearing!

[PATCH] sheet from 1999
COM
Hold Control on =A,B,C,D
Velo curve A=03, B=02, C=04, D=01
LFO1
Rate A=59, B=74, C=74, D=74
Delay A=REL, B=40, C=40, D=40 TONE A
TVF
Filter mode = HPF high pass
Cutoff Frequency = 99
Resonance = 45
ENV depth = 48
Cutoff KF = 35
LFO select = 02
LFO depth = +19

TVF Envelope
Time 1 = 11
Level 1= 100
Time 2 = 78
Level 2 = 0
Time 3 = 2
Sus Level = 4
Time 4= 11
Level 4 = 65

TVA
Level =52
Bias direction = Lower
Bias point = C#1 (C#-1)
Bias level = 04
LFO select = 1
LFO depth = -45

TVA ENV
Velo sens = +18
Time velo = -30
Time KF = 00

I need protection immediately

My father is not a studious man.
He is very much about his guns and ammo, a Pro NRA supporter & proud of his marksman. He enjoys the white privilege of destroying my life. And, acts appropriately on under direction of his attorney or friends, many who have egged him on to throw me on the street.
He, As a handler who beta programmed me since childhood;-
He took nude photos of me, as a toddler when he had an open printing shop his own printing business BCG.
He dropped me off at different people's homes in the middle of the night
Also he used to play with me when I was in bed and tell me he wanted me to be good at sex. All by age 9 with extreme physical abuse to the point I blacked out from both hi. & My mother handler. She did not abuse me as much until her return from the Hospital.
He used to tell me that if I ever meet the right guy I'm to tell him "im a poster child for MKULTRA and to use my initials."
My mother abused me and hid behind her surgeries. She abused me daily, taking over after my father stopped abusing me every single day. It was not normal physical abuse. She dragged me on the floor & down the stairs nearly daily. They got off on beating me and used to smile and laugh when they did so.

I personally want to file old child abuse charges on them that have been impeded due to my "race & national origin" because of my remote location as well. However, that seems hopeless due to all interest being against me;- area attorneys & locals making money from Child trafficking & drug trafficking.
My own father has joked many times about the good ol'days with his military buddies dropping bails of "dope" from the C130's, running spooks & bombing overseas villages & people outside of wartime in several different nations.

He was not an " appropriate" father figure and we had very few positive interactions with his extended family.
My mother has chosen to go along with him on even very offensive notes in order to maintain what she values as an acceptable marriage.

Today, I am very uncertain that I can remain alive with the knowledge I have of his friends & shooting buddies that bring weapons to the house in my absence.

They do not interact with me as normal reasonable people. I had hoped that their age changed them.
They have also done extensive Fina call and emotional damage to my life permanently. And, there are no apologies. Since my mother's family in Japan does not want the complications of my parents decisions;- they are excluded from this posting as an appropriate audience.

My personal documentation of this matter is over 40yrs of MKultra style abuses since before my Mother naturalized to the USA.
As I began blogging due to issues I posted at the onset of the PAtriot Act, my father and the US military or feds have "changed" the prior USA documentation of my mother's immigration & hid or destroyed an original copy of one of my proof of birth that was vital to my proving his affiliation with some Occult/Cult that took the blood sacrifice of my sister prior to my birth.

Vegan Cream aka V2 (frozen)

Vegan bartender making  custom drinks in 2003

This one is a Frozen Vegan Cream  I used to serve up in repurposed 1/2 yards and take to my neighborhood friends. my daquiri substitute.

named : V2
3count vodka
7 count Bacardi Gold
Balance with Very Vanilla Soy delicious
Add frozen strawberries
Blend

Rainbow Heaven

Long time ago...
Rainbow heaven running through my head
Went to my pen
Then vanished again.
Rhythm
Rainbow heaven...how is it found make the world ur greenest playground. r.H. How is it made?
Free creatures, trees...go unseen

turn night from black to green.

Run wild in city streets
Invoke the animal who doesn't eat meat...is quite a task

Body all crumpled up
Like Its thrown away
I watch the living
Like I'm hunting prey

I'm wearing all the things
They got them through
Figured it help me
See this battle through

And I rise up
After they passing through
Picking my target
Like I'm shopping for shoes