Fourth of July

As an isolated Asian-American, it's really difficult to go through life being a scapegoat. By isolated, I mean being the first one, being the only one in school or an activity to be present. Kids, and their parents literally used me when I was the lone asian-kid (HAPA) at school as the example for how to conduct discrimination, persecution, cause harm, get away with intentional physical harm and bullying, until they grew up as a community united against my family and killed my only living sibling during my lifetime and attacked me.

There was noone there for me. My Japanese mom, had already witnessed the murder of my sister - before I was born. I grew up knowing what she did to try and protect my life coming into this world full of haters. Haters, is that the correct word for people who are itrarily murdered my sister?

White people, get defensive because they literally feel it's their entitlement. To police and murder out of patriotic pride. So I have never had a sense of safety in the Mainland USA- ever.

And my brother's so-called friends- are also my enemies. They and my parents felt they own us, owned him. We were born into a horrible American community in Bucks County, PA. Actually the entire area was horrific for us we'll into our adulthood.

And the awareness of how awful these people are has never subsided. I mean, it's not paranoia that they openly laughed about hurting my brother after his memorial service- all in an attempt to spark my rage.  So today I am looking at 4 generations of Americans who deliberately violated my human rights and civil rights as a collective American force. And that is their law, their America. 

They will never be friends, all of them are closer to Freddy Krueger than cringy most days of the week.

Yet they walk freely and complain about their civil rights being violated. These Ugly Americans are seen overseas as tourists searching for food and drinks. But I have had enough of them for nearly a half decade.

America is a downer. They killed my family.

They, yes, I use they. They said I became even less American when they wrote the Patriot Act. And they ripped my life and soul to shreds, deliberately. 

I was born to a foreign national mother. And I never wanted to remain in the USA as a child. I was treated well in Japan. I had friends there for a short time, it was safe for me, I was happy there as awkward as I was as a haafu-nisei. It was a short dream I got to live of the entirety of my life.

America is a slow death sentence. There is nothing fascinating about the childish and hurtful people that comprise it. Or the activists who focus on saving animals over human lives as a way to cope with the entire horrific situation. Most activists and volunteers acknowledge the dangers of working with people. Victims can cause personal losses, and so can their attackers.

It's never over. It's no wonder other nations jail both victims and assailants. 

Maybe the USA has changed and will start jailing and imprisoning victims to uphold the former criminals who now run most local government bodies.

Who knows.

But the America that had a glimmer of hope, is long gone for me.

healing today

The irrevocable harm to my life, has been a focus of my healing for the past several years. It's born out of sheer hatred the USA has had for Japan and the Japanese. And these Americans who attack me and continue to loose any shred of trust that I one had on them-- have failed to be worthwhile.

All I can do, is focus on what is good for me. The personal lessons that I learn. Today, I attended another online meeting time for healing. And realized what a waste of my time some of the people are since they o erstated their hatred of me as a mixed-nationality, Japanese -American. And with the rise in hate crimes, aside from my vehicle being tampered with in the driveway. I am unable to justify attending any distant gathering with these people with whom I now only share online meeting space.

I am unable to see them assisting me in. The event someone sabotages my vehicle while in a beautiful park setting. The cost of my energy quickly tallies into an escape to a place with people who do are friendlier.

Yet because I am still healing from decades of USA torture and persecution, I never have set down my own roots. My heart has become weary of being fetishized and despised by American men and women since I was a toddler. 

And I wish for a "redo" in a better community for my life to be perfect to me.

Where I am successful and have genuine love in my life. Where my core values are respected and upheld and my trust in others deepens with more success.

That is still merely a fantasy life for me. 

And today, I really am forced to reconsider my time and where I use my time. To have friends, real friends is something my life lacks.

About Life on Earth...today

Why is it that the world it's not progressed? 

When the great architectural monuments were built on the earth, humans had little money and immense connection to God.

The reasoning below has not followed;- slave forces are employed with paper and metal objects/coins that have significant value to objects/goods that destroy the life force of the planet. 

Maybe humans don't know how to connect to God any longer. They cannot live without their shelters. Well, Soon they cannot live with them!!! 

The path to true freedom exists. Desperation from Money exists. 

Instead of working on spirituality and unconditional love amongst each other, humans have worked to create even more mortality in exchange of money!

It is an exchange of constant death!!!

Humans today have fallen from the unconditional love the Masons  and builders of the past created by providing shelter to many!!!

Long gone are the thoughts;-

If you have little money and the ability to build a house. You can have a house of your own someday.

If you have billions of dollars yet no ability to build a house. You will never have a house that is truly your own. 

Today, for humanity to survive they must leave the finite interactions of their numbers system. Every interaction to make finite sets of human interactions must cease! It's very existence is collapsing What remains of the life force God gave to the Earth. 

Nuclear war & energy destroys God's lesser spiritual beings. This is a sign of the need to keep What remains, the remnants of God's creation. It was a grand project, souls will be annihilated.

Thing about globalization of Asia

Everyone and anyone can be a nobody in  America (the USA).